so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
