At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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