I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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