I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I came so hard my ears popped.
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