She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
