Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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