you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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