eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
