Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
