STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
