So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
