3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
