non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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