when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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