I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
