I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize