I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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