her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
