come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
