I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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