we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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