Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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