I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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