Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
