she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
