burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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