guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
