Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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