New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
