apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
