Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
