so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
