why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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