i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
