Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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