Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
