id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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