ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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