Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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