I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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