I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize