I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
