it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
