I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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