He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
