Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
