i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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