I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
