The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
