Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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