She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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