So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
