When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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