Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
