Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
