so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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