I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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