Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
