she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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