Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
