Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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