he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
