marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My liver just had a heart attack.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
