It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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