walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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