wakey wakey hands off snakey
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
