The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pants are for mortals
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