I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
