god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There r osticjed everywhere
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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