I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
