Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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