We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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