Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
