once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
