I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
